Friendship Killers

Everyone has friends. We were created to be social creatures. I saw some amazing stats recently about Facebook. If Facebook were a country, it would be the 3rd largest in the world, behind China and India. Why is a social media site so incredibly popular? It's because God has hard-wired man to live in community. We were never intended to be islands. God knew is was not good for Adam to live alone, so he have him one like him - a human.

The same idea is certainly even more pronounced when we consider the New Testament. We are called the body of Christ. Each one is like a particular part of the body. No part of the body functions independently of the rest. It can't. The hand has no life if it is detached from the arm. The same is true for Christians. As a child of God, you were created to be connected to the body, specifically the local body of believers - the Church.

As we consider our relationships and their ultimate purpose (to move one-another to love and good deeds - Heb 10.19-25), we know that sometimes things can go wrong in these relationships. Even 'Christian' friendships can fall short of this purpose of helping each other grow into Christlikeness. Below we have noted a few things (sins in reality) that tend to be friendship killers.

1. Gossip. Perhaps nothing can tear friendships apart faster than gossip. Either being gossiped about or participating in spreading gossip can be equally devastating. As my grandmother used to say: A dog that will bring a bone will take one. Meaning, if someone is telling you about somebody else's business, please don't be naive and think they are not also telling someone else about you. Gossip erodes trust, promotes disunity, and dishonors Christ. We are to be people who help the gossip fire go out as we refuse to supply new fuel (Prov 26.20-22).

2. Jealousy. Jealous people are not good friends. Jealousy is one of those 'little' sins we tote around and tend to not take very seriously. If you find envy in your heart, identify it as sin and confess that to the Lord. Don't allow this sin to fester. One of the diagnostic questions that helps identify envy is this: How do you respond when a friend gets something you really wanted? Maybe they get the promotion you were hoping for, they get the new gadget you wanted, they buy the house or car you have long desired. In those moments, are you able to rejoice with them, or does it anger you. Identify jealousy and root it out of your heart.

3. Laziness. The reality is it is hard work to have good friendships. They take time and many times we're just lazy and don't put any effort out. Don't be lazy in your relationships.

4. Not Forgiving. You will be hurt by a friend. You will be sinned against, and at some point in time, you will be sinned against by someone you care for deeply. This hurts. You have a choice in these moments. You can allow that to grow into full grown bitterness or you can forgive and appreciate God's forgiveness in your own life. We are called to forgive just as we have been forgiven (Col 3.13). The number of times you have sinned against God should remind us that our forgiveness of others should not have limits. Peter once asked Christ if you should forgive someone up to 7 times for an offense. Jesus' response is shocking, not just 7, but 7 times 70. Does that mean keep a spreadsheet and stop at 490? Absolutely not. The point is you forgive - always.

5. Careless Joking. You often times hear the phrase, with friends like these, who needs enemies? This is usually said after someone is being picked on for something. Friends like to joke around and give each other a hard time. That's fine and good and usually in good humor and nature. But sometimes it can go too far. Our 'joking' around can become a weapon with barbs. These little supposedly innocent jokes can hurt. Proverbs 26.18-19 says that one who throws around hurtful comments then says "I'm just joking" is like one who plays with dangerous weapons and expects no one to get hurt. Your words convey information. They change situations and impact people. Words are not neutral.